Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
