My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
