i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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