I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
