I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
