Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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