i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
