I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Randomize
