just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
