he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dicks are not precious.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
