he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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