remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
