Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
