Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
