is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
