It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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