I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Shitshow foam night was such a success
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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