dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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