sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
