You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
