Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
