is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
