so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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