We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
