And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
