FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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