all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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