He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
