Me too!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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