Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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