remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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