btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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