Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
