No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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