You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
