Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
