Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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