T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
