Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
