i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
