$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
