Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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