john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
