Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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