What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
