I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
