when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we're making bets on your personal life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
