I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
