sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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