wake up i wanna do it froggy style
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
