Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
