Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
