Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
