She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
