Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
