Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
do nipples grow back?
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