Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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