Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
