She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
