I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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