I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
